Letting someone go is one of the hardest tasks you’ll face as an engineering manager (EM) if you haven’t already.
No one looks forward to this, but, unfortunately, sometimes it’s necessary. And when it happens, every word matters. You know the engineer is a good person, and you want to make sure they leave with their dignity intact. The way you handle it will affect your team’s trust in you and the culture you’re working to build.
Imagine yourself in the shoes of a person who has no idea that they are going to lose their job. You’ve been working as usual, without receiving any complaints from your manager. Then one day, you’re invited to a meeting where you’re told you’re being let go without any explanation, time to process, or understanding of what went wrong.
But here’s the thing: it doesn’t have to be like this.
When you take the time to prepare, to be transparent, and offer support, the dreaded conversation doesn’t have to feel like a gut punch. It’s still painful, but it doesn’t have to be a nightmare. With empathy, you can make a tough situation a little easier and even have a chance to turn a terrible experience into an opportunity for growth. And, importantly, your team will see how you lead with strength and compassion.
Why would you need to let somebody go?
Usually, the reason for letting someone go is the same: unmet expectations.
Perhaps one of your engineers keeps missing deadlines, leaving too many bugs in the code, or not communicating well with the team. Of course, there are other reasons, too, such as they:
- Clash with the team and clients
- Don’t accept or implement the right technologies and workflows
- Don’t match company values
- Have problems collaborating
- Or breach employment agreements, company policies, or security
Luckily, the more extreme cases are less common.
A more recent issue is that, during the pandemic, many people decided to move into the tech industry with zero experience in the field. A lot of companies hired people who’d only completed online courses or boot camps. Even after working in the field for a few years, some of them still lack the fundamental skills and knowledge to properly perform in their role.
Whatever the reason for letting someone go, when the time comes, it’s important to handle the situation with professionalism and empathy.
How to handle parting ways with someone the right way
If you find yourself at the end of the road with a team member then, unfortunately, you’re going to be facing an uncomfortable conversation. There are ways to make it a little easier on both of you, though. This is what to do.
1 - Take action as a last resort
Don’t fire someone without warning unless in extreme circumstances. Instead, give this decision the time and consideration it deserves, and it should always be the last resort.
Before you make it, have you tried:
- Having team meetings and one-on-ones to try to solve the problems?
- Giving enough resources and support to engineers who might be struggling?
- Listening to their reasoning and concerns?
- Or resolving interpersonal conflict?
There’ve been times when I’ve had to let people go from the team. In such cases, we have many meetings before then to improve the situation and find ways to work things out. But once you reach the point when your efforts don’t work, unfortunately, parting ways is almost always inevitable. And the sooner you do it, the less painful it’ll be.
It’s like when you need your wisdom tooth removed. First, you try to avoid chewing on the painful side, then you disinfect the tooth if it gets infected. But at some point, you know you have to go to the dentist. If not, not only will it hurt horribly, but the infection will also spread.
Similarly, keeping an engineer who’s not the right fit eventually impacts your team’s morale and productivity. It might even be a risk to project success or company reputation.
2 - Make sure it’s not out of the blue
Letting someone go is bad enough – firing someone without them even suspecting it is much worse.
Let’s say you hired someone, and they’re always at least ten minutes late to work. You might brush it off, saying: “It’s more important that they’re a good worker.”
But after a while, they start coming later and later. This impacts the team’s efforts and performance. Now you’re at the point where you should confront them to solve the issue.
When you notice an issue with an engineer’s behavior or performance:
- Schedule a meeting to highlight any problems
- If it’s not resolved, you may have to remind them of expectations and offer resources to help them improve
- If nothing changes, make the situation apparent so there are no misunderstandings
You can say this in a direct but courteous way, such as: “Hey, we've been talking every week for the past month. I told you about these problems. They're critical. We have another month to fix this, but if it doesn't get fixed, we’ll have to part ways. And please let me know that you hear me, it's really serious.”
Unfortunately, some managers choose to leave it up to the HR department to deal with or give the person no notice. But it’s better for everyone involved to make the severity of the situation explicit.
3 - Prepare for the meeting
When the time comes to have the meeting, it’s okay – and natural – to feel:
- Nervous
- Stressed about your decision
- Anxious
- And uncomfortable
One way to give yourself some more confidence is by being prepared.
Think of it like preparing for surgery. If you’re having surgery, you don’t want your doctor to rush through it. It needs to be done with precision and preparation.
Here are some points to consider:
- Timing: Before you schedule the meeting, find the right time. I find mornings to be the best time. This way, you don’t have to spend the whole day feeling anxious, and there’s enough time to complete all the paperwork.
- Documentation: Before the meeting, have performance issues and feedback records ready.
- Notes: Write down your talking points so you don’t forget anything – you don’t want to repeat the meeting just to give additional information.
4 - Know how to lead the meeting
This is one of the most uncomfortable meetings you’ll ever have. There’s no way around it. It's like breaking up with your partner. You know you’ll upset the other person, no matter what you say or do.
But you can make it easier by:
- Choosing a private location away from the team (unless you work remotely)
- Having all paperwork prepared in advance
- Providing a clear explanation and sticking to the facts
- And answering their questions and explaining the next steps
In my experience, I try to keep these meetings short, about 30 minutes.
When the meeting starts, I tell the person in the first few minutes. If you’re going to try to make small talk and then give them the news, it’ll seem insincere. Plus, it just makes everyone nervous.
I’m direct and to-the-point, saying: “Unfortunately, this is going to be a very uncomfortable call. I’ve decided that it’s time to part ways. We'll work until the end of the month [or appropriate time].”
Usually, I schedule a call on the calendar, either as an ad hoc or a regular one. If you’ve been telling them for a few months about severe problems, and the last time you talked, you told them: “If you don't fix this, we won't be able to work together,” and they didn't fix it, they’ll know what the call is going to be about.
5 - Anticipate different reactions
When the time comes, most of the time – at least in my experience – the engineer you’re letting go says something along the lines of: “I was actually thinking about quitting anyway.”
However, there are times when people don’t react as gracefully. They might become:
- Emotional
- Angry
- Upset
- Or even start pleading
In the end, nobody's happy about being let go. So, there’s nothing else you can do other than to accept their reaction.
Imagine you’ve told an engineer they’re being fired, and they curse at you. It’s stressful and uncomfortable, but why argue? You know you made the right call.
Being able to accept and withstand emotions is an important skill to develop as a manager. Firing is just one example – many people also become emotional during one-on-one meetings, group calls, and performance reviews. If you get triggered by the emotions of others and become emotional yourself, you’ll have a very hard time handling even these situations.
So, try to not take things personally and employ empathy. After all, sometimes people just need to vent.
6 - Be transparent with your team
The aftermath of firing someone also matters. You’ll have to talk to your other engineers. The best approach I’ve found is to focus on the problem, not the person.
For example, if an engineer was let go due to poor work, we look at the mistakes and try to find ways to solve them. We shift from the person to the problem and make it a learning experience.
To make the transition easier and put everyone’s mind at rest, consider:
- Scheduling a team meeting ASAP to avoid gossip and confusion
- Be specific about the issues and how to avoid them in the future
- And answer questions about project coverage and team structure changes
Your team will need reassuring. It’s natural for people to be concerned about their own position when another team member is let go. Being transparent and offering your support goes a long way to ensuring your team remains cohesive and strong.
The short version: make tough decisions with compassion
Letting a team member go is never a nice experience for anyone involved. But, in the end, an EM’s job is to solve problems, and sometimes the only solution is to part ways.
If that time comes, it doesn't mean they're a bad person or you’re a bad manager. It can be that they weren’t a good match for the team, or the team wasn’t a good match for them.
It’s never going to be easy, but there are ways to do it gracefully and professionally. Here’s how:
- Last resort: Parting ways should always be the final step. Do as much as you can to fix issues to avoid firing.
- Transparent: It shouldn't come as a surprise. It's a process that can take months, during which you have to help that person improve and fix their mistakes.
- Prepare: Taking the time to prepare for the meeting helps alleviate nerves and stress.
- Control: Take control of the meeting so it stays focused.
- Anticipate: Be ready for different emotional reactions and don’t fight against them.
- Let your team know: Be transparent with your team afterward so there are no unanswered questions.
And finally, it’s important to learn from your mistakes. Think about how you can improve your interviewing and hiring process or communicate problems earlier before they lead to firing.
Want more tips on leading effective software engineering teams?
Join my newsletter if you’ve found this content useful
Originally published on Medium.com
Content in this blog post by Alex Ponomarev is licensed under CC BY 4.0.
