If you’re new to working as a manager, I’m willing to bet you often feel like you’re on your own.
It’s a feeling that won’t go away easily, even after you’ve been in the role long-term. There’s so much to learn, and it’s not immediately obvious where to start.
So, many look for mentors in the workplace to help. And having one can produce numerous benefits, such as:
- Accelerating your learning
- Helping you feel comfortable taking on new tasks
- And steering you away from common mistakes
But you have to approach mentorship in the right way.
Failure to do so only sets you up for disappointment and wastes your money (if you paid for the help). It’s also a sign you’re not taking responsibility for your own development.
1 - Approach mentorship with realistic expectations
Many people want growth, but they don’t want to put in the effort to make that growth happen. They think meeting the right mentor will magically fix everything for them.
This isn’t true.
I cannot stress this enough: even with its many benefits, mentorship cannot solve all your problems.
And even if you’re seeking guidance for the right reasons, there’s no guarantee it’ll work. Ultimately, getting what you need depends on a few things:
- Your mindset
- The quality of your mentor
- And especially whether you find a common language with them
In addition, it might not even be immediately obvious when things do work well!
For instance, I may not fully understand the wisdom I’ve received until I put it into action and see how well it works. Even then, sometimes I know what happened and why, and other times, I don’t.
So, there’s a lot for you to think about, including:
- Is this the right time for a mentor?
- Is this the right person for you?
- What will you do with your mentorship?
- And is mentoring what you really need right now?
Don’t let this stop you from seeking out a mentor if you truly need one, but don’t think you absolutely do, either. And if you do, you’ll want to take a few steps to make the process as smooth and successful as possible.
2 - Find a mentor who can help you with a specific niche or goal
When many of us envision a mentor, we imagine:
- A wise, older person who comes into our lives
- Takes us under their wing
- And teaches us about work, love, and the meaning of life itself
But it’s incredibly rare to find a mentor who can help you with everything. It does happen to some people – and if you get it, treasure it. But for most of us, this is an unrealistic expectation.
It’s far more common to find a mentor who will help you within a particular niche.
For example, I have an amazing mentor who only helps me with marketing questions – we meet every two weeks. This arrangement has transformed other areas of my life, but the goal was to help me develop that one skill, which it has.
So, don’t look for a mentor who checks all the boxes, and keep in mind that it’ll be difficult to find a good one at all. Instead, focus on what’s necessary for you to learn right now and find the person who can guide you in that learning. Then, stick with them.
With this mindset, you might end up with different mentors at different times, specializing in different areas. But you might also end up with multiple at once if you can manage it.
Either way, there are plenty of additional benefits to having more than one mentor. These include hearing multiple perspectives on the same issues and having the opportunity to bounce ideas off more than one person.
And you’ll feel more comfortable moving on if your current mentor isn’t working out.
3 - Know they can only help you help yourself
I live in Lisbon, an incredibly touristy city full of things to do – this is a great blessing.
But it also means that when I have the weekend off, I don’t know where to spend my free time. There are hundreds of places to go, and this paralyzes me.
It helps when a friend calls and asks if I want to go to an exhibition, check out a new bar, or chat in a park. Suddenly, all the choices disappear, and I have to decide between three things that all sound excellent.
My friend didn’t solve any issues or make any choices for me. All he did was ask me something that changed my framing of the situation, helping me get out of my own way, and choose an activity I was genuinely happy to do. But my friend couldn’t make me want to have fun – I had to have the desire in me in the first place.
In the same way, mentors can only help us grow in ways we’re already ready to grow.
4 - Give your mentor something to work with
Benefitting from mentorship requires more than just a desire to grow – you have to know exactly what you need. This is even more important than finding a mentor you work well with or one with lots of success and experience in the role.
That’s because your mentor’s job isn’t giving you a guide, telling you to read it, and asking you some questions. They’re supposed to help you work with a specific problem, skill, goal, or concern that’s important to you right now.
But they also can’t read your mind. So, you need to do your homework ahead of time:
- Develop a vision of where you want to be
- Understand your motivation to get there
- And make a request for help
This requires taking an inventory of yourself, where you are now, and what obstacles prevent you from getting where you want to go.
You might not get everything right (and a great mentor helps you better understand your own desires), but you still need to put in the effort. I find journaling essential to this process.
The funny thing is that figuring out where you are and where you want to go often ends up being half the work. Once you determine these points, you might realize you can start moving forward on your own.
5 - Look outside the box for guidance
Unfortunately, even if you take all the right steps to find a mentor, you still may not find what you’re looking for at work.
Luckily, mentorship doesn’t require this, and you can find it elsewhere.
Books
For me, books are king. Nothing beats the in-depth engagement on a topic that a long-form text can bring.
Many books have impressed me with their content. More than that, they showed me the challenges I’ve faced as a manager are completely normal, and that I have dozens of ways to deal with them.
I’ve heard people complain books require too much of a time investment before figuring out if it’s right for them or not, but I beg to differ.
If you have a particular question, research which books might have the answer and give them a quick scan. Look at the table of contents and flip to the relevant chapters.
If you have time to read from cover to cover, great. If not, skim to find the answers you need. There’ve been times when I’ve picked up a book and found answers to certain questions in an hour or so.
Online communities
Another way to find guidance is through online communities.
I’ve found Reddit to be incredibly helpful, with communities of people sharing deep and insightful stories. You can learn from their experiences or post your own and get really good advice.
Substack is also a good source of guidance. There are plenty of good newsletters there with highly specialized themes. They also have social features so you can post comments, ask questions, and interact in different ways.
I also like how people use Medium to build a niche and publish a steady stream of great content to help others. I am happy to be doing the same.
Mentorship platforms
There are also great online ways to connect with potential mentors. Platforms like CTOCraft and PracticaHQ match professionals with mentors who specialize in their field.
Many of these platforms provide additional services as well, such as:
- Online learning platforms
- Conference opportunities
- Group sessions
- And communities of practice
Some even provide “AI coaching” options for a lower cost.
You can also find lists of vetted mentors published on blogs. These are often focused on a particular niche. Here’s one example of a list of coaches and mentors aimed at engineering managers made by Gergely Orosz at The Pragmatic Engineer.
The short version: mentorship only works when you do
Mentorship is a great way to grow as a new manager. But it isn’t a magic bullet that’s going to solve all of your problems automatically. Searching for and working with a mentor benefits from having the right mindset.
Keep these things in mind as you search:
- Approach a mentoring relationship with realistic expectations
- Find a mentor who can help you with a specific niche or goal
- Know what you need before approaching a prospective mentor
- Mentors can only help you help yourself
- Look outside the box for guidance when you can’t find a mentor
Being a manager can feel isolating, especially if you’re new to the job. Mentors can help you along the path of professional growth, but only if you’ve done your homework and are ready to take ownership of your own development.
Want more tips on leading effective software engineering teams?
Join my newsletter if you’ve found this content useful
Originally published on Medium.com
Content in this blog post by Alex Ponomarev is licensed under CC BY 4.0.
