People misuse the word collaboration.
For some, it means working near one another on similar tasks. For others, it means getting assistance with difficult projects.
But true collaboration means:
- Working together to accomplish a common goal
- Completing that work
- Finishing it within a reasonable timeframe
- All parties putting in equal effort
- And everyone getting something out of it
In this way, collaboration becomes an exchange of knowledge, resources, tech, and ideas. You need to give the other person (or people) something they need, and they need to give you something you need. This is as true for collaborating with engineers as it is with other managers.
But understanding collaboration doesn’t make it any easier to do, especially for us introverts. Collaboration requires trust, courage, and commitment. It also requires something we’re typically very uncomfortable with: talking to others.
However, you can overcome this or at least improve it.
Move past the discomfort
As you well know, dealing with people is challenging. From the discomfort of asking for help to the fear of rejection, it’s just not an easy thing to do. And if you’ve tried collaborating before and faced resistance, you’ve probably lost even more hope for a successful outcome.
But you’ve probably also experienced the positive effects of collaboration at least once, whether at work or home, saving:
- Time
- Money
- Effort
- Or all three for yourself and others!
Unfortunately, most engineering managers (EMs) try to figure out problems themselves. They waste these resources trying to learn skills or processes other departments and managers have been using effectively for years.
Think of this like a very good farmer knowing all about crops and livestock, but instead of focusing on increasing yields and quality, they insist on setting a cow’s broken leg.
Can they do this? Yes. But if they have the option, why not just call the vet instead? Scheduling an appointment with them:
- Lets them focus on their areas of expertise
- Improves the cow’s quality of life
- And gets the vet paid
Everyone benefits.
Play to your strengths until it gets easier
Especially if you’re a new (or newer) EM, find ways to be around other managers who are better than you. Conveniently, collaborating gives you a valid reason to work with and learn from them. As you get more experienced, you can do the same for other new EMs, which has the added bonus of building relationships with them early.
And yes, you will get better at collaborating with and meeting new people. When you persistently move past discomfort, it’s impossible not to become an excellent communicator.
Think of this in terms of authors. Becoming renowned with award-winning books is hard. But staring at a blank page for hours doesn’t help. Only the actual act of writing, revising your work, and learning from your mistakes does.
As an EM, one day, you’ll finish a meeting and realize you aren’t as drained as you used to be. Until that day comes (and even after), use your introvert traits to your advantage:
- Review agendas and other materials beforehand
- Write down key points you want to discuss
- Prepare important questions in advance
- Practice some small talk topics to start conversations easily
- Send follow-up emails after meetings and use written communication when you can
- And use project management tools to track and communicate progress async
As well, start building the type of culture necessary for collaboration.
Create an open-door culture
An open-door culture makes every team member, no matter how junior, feel okay to talk with the most qualified person around, no matter how senior. And an open-door culture will always be a byproduct of your collaboration with other managers.
This culture may seem impossible to implement, but it’s as easy as:
- Getting up
- Walking to another team
- Taking a deep breath
- And knocking on the person’s door who can help
Or doing this metaphorically in a remote environment. Unfortunately, you can’t expect your team members to do this first, though. And the only way to get started is to accept the discomfort and take the above actions anyway.
Even extroverts struggle with this from time to time. But with enough practice, it does get easier.
Plus, building this kind of culture creates more independence in your ICs and speeds up processes that might otherwise slow down.
Get to know others
Collaboration requires positive relationships – moving past the discomfort of collaboration requires the same. You may not think you’re good at doing so, but you listen, let people share their doubts and problems, and give thoughtful advice in return. You make people feel seen and heard – you are good at building relationships with others, even if you don’t always want to.
So, start by introducing yourself and your team. Then, connect with other managers on a personal level. You can:
- Share common interests or experiences: you’re both managers – at the very least, you have that in common
- Discuss industry trends or challenges you both face: you’re working at the same company, so you’ll have plenty of these in common, too
- Share your own experiences and insights: if they’re also introverts, you can connect because of how similar your experiences are (if they’re extroverts, you can connect by sharing how different they are)
You can even schedule regular one-on-one meetings with them to keep in touch.
Give first, then ask
Always give help first before asking. Sometimes, this isn’t possible, but if you can avoid it, do so.
Go to another manager and ask them what they’re struggling with, and offer your assistance, anything at all, without overstepping your boundaries. This has the added benefit of giving you a reason to:
- Initiate contact
- Stay in touch
- And build that relationship with them
After you’ve helped them once or twice, you can switch roles and ask for their help. You might not even have to – they might offer first.
The danger here, of course, is someone trying to take advantage of your good will. This is especially dangerous if you’re still not used to social situations or are a natural giver.
But there’s a part of you that has your back. When you start feeling uncomfortable with someone’s requests or treatment of you, listen. They might very well be trying to overwork your team, and you can’t let this happen.
Saying no might seem daunting, but you have some ways to make it easier:
- Do it via text or email instead of face-to-face
- Buy time by saying things like, “Let me think about it, and I’ll get back to you,” if saying no on the spot is hard
- Be polite but firm, “I’d love to help you, but right now, my team is overworked, and we have other priorities. Sorry”
- Just say no – no is a complete answer, and you don’t have to explain if you don’t want to
- Start with small no’s – declining less important or relevant things builds confidence for declining the bigger ones
And remember, there’s no way around this. Sometimes, you are just going to have to say no, which is the best thing you can do in certain situations.
Follow through
Above all else, make sure you follow through when you collaborate with someone else. Trust that they’ll hold up their end of the bargain until they prove otherwise. Even if they do, you don’t want your reputation to take a hit like theirs inevitably will.
At times, this will be very challenging. You’ll have tons of other tasks to get to, other people asking for help, and so on. But you can’t let this matter.
To help, only commit to what you’re willing to sacrifice time and effort for. Otherwise, offer a gentle no and help them find an alternative solution.
The short version: collaboration is a two-way street
Collaboration means getting things done together. Pushing through the initial discomfort and asking for help saves you energy, time, and money. It also creates an open-door culture where everyone feels comfortable asking questions.
Knowing who to ask for help is also a key part of collaborating effectively. By getting to know other people and introducing yourself to others, you’ll know who’s who and reach out to the right people. You can build strong one-on-one relationships as an introvert, so use that in your favor:
- Share common interests or experiences
- Discuss industry trends or challenges you both face
- Share your own experiences and insights
The more you practice, the easier it will get. Until you get to a point where you can comfortably meet with other managers, try this:
- Review agendas and materials beforehand
- Prepare key points and important questions in advance
- Practice small talk
- Use written communication and project management tools when you can
And remember that collaboration is a two-way street. Be careful of people who might try to take advantage of you and your team, and say no whenever you feel uncomfortable. It’s easier said than done, but saying no is something you will have to do no matter how hard.
Want more tips on leading effective software engineering teams?
Join my newsletter if you’ve found this content useful
Originally published on Medium.com
Content in this blog post by Alex Ponomarev is licensed under CC BY 4.0.
