There’s an idea that a manager needs to be loud and dominant to manage complex operations.
They’re like a traffic officer at an intersection where the stop lights don’t work. They make decisions for everyone, and the whole intersection depends on them.
But no one thinks of traffic officers as people you can have a conversation with. Their whole role is giving orders to ensure everyone can move safely and no one crashes into each other.
In my opinion, nothing is further from good management.
I’ve seen countless managers trying to be the most important person in the room. They do all the talking, and no one else can get a word in. Team members aren’t invited into a discussion but are expected to take orders and act accordingly.
This is a terrible way of doing things for a number of reasons:
- The manager makes themselves so central that team members can’t operate without them
- They strive to stay on top of and add something to every conversation, which is a quick way to exhaustion
- Their team members become disconnected and demotivated because they can’t find space for their voice
Luckily, as an introverted engineering manager (EM), you’re less likely to do all of this because you’re more inclined to listen. And your inherent listening skills will give you an edge over more extroverted managers in your company in many ways.
1 - You make space for everyone
Have you ever been to a dinner where someone brought a friend who was super talkative the whole evening? In my opinion, people do this because they’re not comfortable with silence. Or because they’re trying hard to win friends and influence people.
Introverts are far less likely to.
I think about this when I walk around Lisbon, the city where I live. There are certain areas where it’s common to see people selling really delicious street food – it’s incredibly accessible. Which causes problems for folks like me who have a strict diet – resisting the temptation to buy them is something like a superpower.
It’s the same thing with talking. It’s easy to do, especially if you’re a manager and have the power to make people listen to you. But resisting the urge, as well as the anxiety that makes you fill silence with words, is a management superpower.
As an introverted manager, you’re much more inclined to give space to others. You’re more likely to help them take center stage.
Doing this facilitates your team member’s independence – they’re not looking to you for every single order, and they know how to operate on their own. This is especially true if you’ve communicated the vision in a way that allows for aligned but independent action.
2 - You seek understanding
In my experience, people don’t listen to others so much as use their time in a conversation to think about how to reply. When people “listen” in this way, they’re not engaging with the other person so much as figuring out how to best frame their reply.
As an introvert, you’re much more inclined to listen to understand what the other person is communicating. You don’t just want to respond with your take on the situation, but deeply understand how they see it.
This doesn’t mean that you never talk at all. Rather, you ask questions not to steer things in your direction but to confirm your understanding of what’s been said. You know that simply listening doesn’t mean you’ve caught all the important details.
I’m constantly reminded that I have gaps in understanding. I was recently on a call with another manager, and we had a conflict. It was about something we’ve talked about before – I wanted to do it one way, and she wanted to do it another.
Instead of challenging her directly, I asked questions to understand where she was coming from and what she based her opinions on. Eventually, I realized that my picture of the situation wasn’t complete. She shared some good thoughts that I forgot we discussed earlier, and we agreed to meet and review the situation together later.
3 - You can take time-saving notes
I’ve met too many people who you discuss something with, but the next day they’ve forgotten it completely. And now you have to have the same conversation a second time.
Losing half an hour to repeat what you spent an hour talking about yesterday is a huge waste of time. As a manager, you know how short on time you already are. So, taking notes and sending them to relevant team members is a great way to avoid this and other forms of “communication creep.”
As an introvert, you’re already more primed to do so.
Not everyone can do this. For most people, the deep listening required for note-taking is disrupted by the desire to reply to what is being said. They can’t get their brain to stay quiet long enough to put pen to paper.
Only deep listeners are able to put their need to talk on hold so they can properly take down what’s being said. When you do it right, you should be able to make the speaker’s argument just as well as they could.
This ability, especially when you prompt your team members to read notes regularly, saves your team tons of time. Ideally, you’ll be modeling this skill to the rest of your team so you’re not the only one doing the work here.
4 - You embrace silence
I like to joke that moving into a new place with lots of empty rooms gives my girlfriend the opportunity to buy new furniture. In the same way, leaning into silence in conversations gives other people space to talk. This may sound obvious, but it’s a really important point.
As an introverted EM, your silence is powerful in a conversation. Often, your conversation partner will find it awkward and then elaborate on what they’ve said in ways you wouldn’t have thought to ask about.
For instance, they’ll voice concerns they were hesitant to share before. This is important because it helps you understand their needs or uncover possible problems you hadn't paid enough attention to.
You’re also likely to hear about resistance your team members may have concerning things you’ve asked them to do. This is a sign that either you need to change your approach or better communicate your long-term vision.
If you’re like me, you’ll want to know these things because it gives you the opportunity to explore the deeper roots of these concerns. This will make your team members feel heard, valued and respected. Plus, after being heard, they will be more receptive to your perspective.
5 - You’re not a dictator
Have you ever sat in on a meeting where the manager reads out various updates from the team instead of letting them share it themselves?
Managers might not intend to do this, but it comes out of a desire to control the conversation or frame all new developments in a certain way. This strips team members of their voice, often making them feel frustrated, demotivated, and, eventually, disengaged.
It’s like what happens in a dictatorship. Dictators often feel they’re the voice of the people. And if that’s true, then they don’t need to open space for public debate. But of course it’s not true, and people’s tensions rise until it renders the state ineffective or people decide to revolt.
As an introverted EM, you’re less likely to do this.
You don’t want to hog the spotlight. You understand that “manager” is just a title, and you’re not necessarily the most important or smartest person in the room. You know when to shut up and let other people speak for themselves.
Sometimes, this means they’ll criticize you or try to advocate for actions you think aren’t ideal. But this is the cost of a healthy, thriving team. It may cause bumps in the short run, but it creates a better atmosphere in the long one.
A final note on introverts
Obviously, not all introverts are like me. Even within a group, people are different. You, for instance, may have none of the above characteristics.
But my goal is to show that introverts do have strengths and advantages as EMs. Maybe not all of them, but many – this is what I’ve experienced. And I know many of us struggle with the idea of becoming any kind of manager, let alone an EM, so I want to show it’s not only possible but even good.
Hopefully, it’s also clear I have nothing but respect for extroverts. They bring a lot to the work we do, whether they’re managers or ICs. In addition, having the diversity different groups of people bring makes us all better in the end, and I’m glad to be a part of that.
The short version: listening is a gift, so embrace it
There is no shortage of people in the world who want to take up space in a room with their voices – the same goes for managers. As an introverted engineering manager, you have a gift for listening that gives you an edge over overly talkative managers.
This gift manifests itself in different ways. You:
- Give other people the spotlight
- Seek to understand where people are coming from
- Are better primed to take notes that save everyone time
- Let other people voice their concerns
- Don’t speak for others like a dictator
This stops your team from becoming overly reliant on you, allows them to take more initiative, and creates space for more voices to be heard. All of this improves team morale and lets the gifted people on your team contribute in ways that make your team stronger.
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Originally published on Medium.com
Content in this blog post by Alex Ponomarev is licensed under CC BY 4.0.