Have you ever had a friend who always excitedly agrees to go to an event or gathering only to keep bailing out at the last minute?

Probably – most of us have.

At first, you give them the benefit of the doubt and invite them to the next get-together. But eventually, their pattern becomes clear. They’re not a horrible person – just unreliable.

Over time, their lack of accountability erodes your trust, and you stop expecting them to follow through on anything at all. 

It’s really frustrating, even more so when it happens in the workplace. The impact it can have is immense, especially if that friend is you and you’re an engineering manager (EM).

What you’ll cause without self-accountability

Unfortunately, I once knew an EM who was unreliable like this. You’d never know if he’d attend meetings or not. And he’d promise to hold one-on-ones with his team but then repeatedly cancel. 

Because he was so variable, his team never knew which promises he would keep and which ones he wouldn’t. Over time, their frustration caused them to stop engaging with him altogether because they felt like they were wasting their time (and they were right).

When an EM erodes their team’s trust like this, they start taking matters into their own hands or don’t hold themselves accountable, either. Why would they if their manager isn’t? 

In other words, if you don’t hold yourself accountable as an EM, everything breaks down, including your team’s:

  • Beliefs in you
  • Work ethic
  • And job satisfaction

The path to greater self-accountability

Unfortunately, there’s usually not much of a feedback loop for accountability. As a manager, your team isn't always going to tell you when you let them down. In fact, they’d be less likely to if you’ve already destroyed their trust in you because they won’t be able to predict how you’ll handle the feedback.

You might have a candid supervisor to help out, but not all of us are so lucky.

To be successful, you have to take your internal compass into your own hands. Self-awareness is key to this.

Here’s what to do.

1 - Understand the rules and expectations

Rules and expectations govern much of our lives. 

For example, on the road, lots of vehicles move in different directions. This only works because people follow the rules. 

Accidents aside, car crashes often happen when drivers don’t follow these rules, such as:

  • Not keeping to the speed limit
  • Not staying in their lane
  • Running red lights
  • Or not paying attention

The same happens at work. The system only works because there are rules and expectations everyone follows. When you stop, the system falls apart and turns into chaos. 

Some of the rules are obvious, such as turning up for work or being courteous. But accountability is a broader part of what is expected of you. 

Whether intentionally or unintentionally, not being accountable is breaking the rules – you are letting down your team and, in turn, your manager. You are effectively risking a car crash.

Ensure you know what the expectations are and do your best to meet them. If you are uncertain about your responsibilities, then speak to your manager to clarify. 

2 - Be realistic about what you can do

You want to do a lot of things, and other people also want you to do a lot of things. Unfortunately, this will always be more than you can manage. 

I’m always way too optimistic about my ability to do everything. The inability to achieve what I want creates a lot of frustration for me and with it comes a lot of stress.

This type of frustration is the dissonance between my perception of reality and the actual reality. Yes, I have 300 items on my to-do list (most of which I want to do), but there are only 24 hours in a day, and no way I can complete all of them within that timeframe. 

So, I have to: 

  • Stop
  • Reacquaint myself with reality
  • Accept it
  • And course-correct 

For instance, perhaps I can achieve five items on that list today. Five every day is more than pushing myself to do 10 three days in a row and burning out so hard I can’t do any more for the next four. 

As well, I know I can get those five done. So, when they involve others, they also know I’m going to get them done. There are no promises broken, only ones kept. 

3 - Avoid over-promising

When I make commitments, I really want to do them. I love all my work and, at times, it leads me to over-promise. This is something I definitely struggle with and, again, I have to remind myself there are only so many hours in the day. 

Estimates help.

When you’re an engineer and you’re given a task, you’re constantly asked how long it will take. The reality is you don’t know, and you won’t know until you start working on it. But you still have to give some kind of estimate. 

If you: 

  • Are too optimistic
  • Over-promise
  • And say it’ll be done in two weeks
  • But it takes longer
  • Then, you’ve broken your promise and people are understandably upset and disappointed

However, you could say, “Hey, this is just an estimate, but I will try to do it in two weeks. It may take longer, though. How about we talk in a week and I can give you an update then?” 

So, take the same approach as an EM. Before you commit, be honest and realistic about how doable the work is and in what timeframe. You’ll improve your credibility and establish practical expectations others can model theirs on as well.

4 - The power of saying no

Being reliable doesn’t mean doing every last little thing. Being reliable is about being mindful of and following through on your promises (as we’ve been talking about). Like I always say, you can’t say yes to everything. And the only way to do that is to say no to some things.

But you can’t – nor should you – offload responsibility completely and just say no to everything. Instead, prioritize and delegate.

For example, someone comes to you and asks for help. You can say, “Sorry, I’m already fully booked this week, but if it’s really important, let’s see if Sarah can help.” Note that you then have to go to Sarah and see if she is okay with this and you’re not overloading her with work.

This way you are saying no but also finding a way to say yes, just in a different way. They still get the help they need, and you don’t make promises you can’t keep.

You won’t be perfect, though. So, instead of blaming yourself for your mistakes, try another tactic.

5 - Follow up and take ownership

If you tell someone you’ll meet with them next week, you have two choices:

  1. You schedule a meeting with them and show up 
  2. Or you let them know you’ve changed your mind and can’t make it 

At the end of the day, if you promise to do something, you should do it. But sometimes things just happen. If there is no way you’ll be able to honor your commitments, it’s imperative to let the people involved know. 

To be honest, I’m kind of embarrassed when I haven’t kept a promise. But I know I can’t just ignore it and think it’ll go away – I have to face the problem I’ve created. 

So, I go to the person and say, “I know I promised to do this. I’m sorry I couldn’t do it. I was really overwhelmed.” It doesn’t make it right but at least by owning it, I am offering some sense of accountability. I haven’t just ghosted them or made them think I don’t care. 

Even if it feels uncomfortable, this is what accountability looks like.  

Remember, it’s a learning curve

Unfortunately, I’ve been that unreliable friend at times. 

I kept promising people I’d do something with them on the weekend, but then it came around, and I was exhausted and had other things to do, so I didn’t go and let them down. I did this: 

  • Once
  • Twice
  • Maybe a hundred times

They were disappointed in me every time, and they had every right to be. 

Then I realized I don’t like letting people down, so why am I doing this? The solution was simple: I stopped making promises I wasn’t 100% sure I could keep.  

Now, I apply this at work as well as my personal life. If I see my patterns starting and I’m being too optimistic about what I can do, I’m honest about it. I stop and work out what I am realistically capable of doing. Then, I let people know. 

I’ve learned from my mistakes, which allows me to keep up my accountability balance. But it’s also important that we’re honest with ourselves – we can’t be 100% all of the time. And what might work for one person might not for another. The important part is to keep trying. 

The short version: be honest with yourself

Not having accountability as an EM not only undermines your authority, but it also greatly affects your ability to manage people. Furthermore, it disrupts your entire team dynamics, it’s likely to cause problems with your manager if your team doesn’t produce, and it causes you stress that you don’t need.  

Being accountable is one of the pillars of successful management. Consider these steps to help you hold yourself accountable:

Honesty isn’t just about telling the truth – it’s about knowing your limits, setting expectations, and maintaining the trust of your team. Doing so ensures your accountability as an EM. 

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Originally published on Medium.com

Content in this blog post by Alex Ponomarev is licensed under CC BY 4.0.