You’re not alone if you feel like quitting engineering management (or not even applying).
Many new engineering managers (EMs) struggle with the job’s demanding responsibilities. Imagine what you do (or did) as an individual contributor (IC), then multiply it by ten. For many, this shift is stark and overwhelming. For some, it’s insurmountable.
Coincidentally, a pressure cooker serves as a good analogy here. Pressure is necessary to cook food more efficiently, but if you don’t manage the pressure properly, it can result in an explosion.
Unfortunately, we don’t always handle pressure as well as a pressure cooker. When our pressure builds to a boiling point (and above), we don’t get perfectly cooked results. Instead, we risk the explosion, unreasonably (and unprofessionally):
- Blowing up on team members
- Jeopardizing our mental and physical health
- Or both
Learning how to harness the pressure of the job so you excel won’t happen overnight, but there are some small steps you can take to help you get there.
The first is acknowledging where it comes from and why.
It’s always building
As an EM, you’re likely to experience more pressure than you did as an IC. This difference isn’t because you or your work is more important than them and theirs – everyone has their own role to play on the team. As mentioned before, the reason is the amount of responsibilities you have to manage every single day, including:
- Meeting deadlines
- Prioritizing endless to-do lists
- Being put on the spot to answer questions or make decisions
- Attending and arranging meetings
- Hitting targets
- Coaching ICs
- Reviewing procedures
- Analyzing and explaining results to your supervisor
- And working with many different people
Most of the time, these different people also have conflicting expectations for you. For instance:
- Project managers (PMs) want things done faster
- Engineers want more time to do those things
- And the financial team wants them done cheaper
And, of course, you want to do better for everyone!
So, if you’re like most EMs, you’ll try. But this will start causing issues.
The explosions cause lasting and widespread damage
Poorly handling all of your above responsibilities can (and likely will) push the pressure you’re feeling well past a healthy, even salvageable, point if you don’t learn to manage it.
And the explosion you’ll inevitably have isn’t even the worst consequence of this mismanagement.
Team dynamics
Without effective coping and mitigation strategies, you’re prone to:
- Lashing out
- Doing something impulsive
- Or shutting down
All of these destabilize your team simply because they’ll no longer trust in your reliability. They won’t believe they can predict how you’ll respond to various situations, so they’ll be less likely to:
- Collaborate
- Participate
- And innovate
In short, they won’t feel safe to contribute anymore.
Work-life balance, health, and mental well-being
While most people can push through (or even excel under) pressure, this is not a sustainable way of working and living in the long run. Burnout is a likelihood, but that’s just one of many possible problems you’ll face. You might also get sick, and you could even damage your relationships with friends and family – maybe even permanently.
These issues may not happen right away, though, leading you to think you’re the exception to the rule, but they eventually will.
Job performance
Mishandling pressure leads to:
- Poor decision-making
- More mistakes
- And failing to meet expectations
You’ll be overwhelmed with everything that’s going on, and every problem will compound the next. These issues may start small, but they’ll quickly grow beyond your control, leading to the loss of your team’s respect and serious conversations with your supervisor.
But none of this has to happen. You have ways of handling pressure properly, fulfilling your responsibilities as an EM, and staying healthy in the process.
The first step is having and maintaining the proper mindset.
Be the example or be made an example
In any position of power, your words and actions carry significant weight. Everything you say and do is amplified because people are looking to you for guidance and help. You are the authority they’re supposed to trust and follow.
So, as the EM, you’re not just managing engineers and solving problems – you’re also setting the tone. What you say and do, they will also say and do. This is true whether you crumble to the role’s pressure or not.
Take the example of a country’s president.
Imagine if one president is very reactive and impulsive:
- They do things on a whim
- Dismiss the advice from their advisors
- And let their emotions and ego control their actions
That country will have many problems, including misunderstandings, diplomatic mistakes, and, again, a loss of trust. Anxiety will grip its citizens because they’ll know their president is volatile, prone to rash decisions, and unable to handle the job’s pressure.
In contrast, imagine you have another president who is calm and deliberate:
- They take their time with decisions
- Value the advice given to them
- And weigh the information before responding or deciding
Their measured approach promotes stability and confidence. The citizens respect them for their authority, strength, and careful approach to governing the country.
An EM is, of course, not a president. But both generate a wider impact beyond themselves, and only one of the two above presidents is creating an impact that’s good.
Also, unlike a president, you’re much more easily removed from your position should you take the first approach. In other words, do what should be done or become the example of what shouldn’t be.
But don’t chase perfection
The most important step you can take to survive pressure is accepting you can’t do everything for everyone, and you can’t perform at 100% all the time.
In other words, embrace the fact that perfection is just not attainable, especially as a manager. Holding onto this idea only adds to the pressure you’re dealing with anyway.
To be specific, know that it’s okay if you:
- Didn’t get those 50 items done on your to-do list
- Had to rearrange a meeting
- Said you couldn’t offer additional support
- Had to prioritize some things over others
- Delegated work
- Or said no to a request
Remember, it’s better to get some important tasks done than every unimportant one or none at all. And no matter what you do, you’ll never make everyone happy.
What to do
Instead, focus on what makes sense and produces results. Next time you start feeling overwhelmed, take a moment to collect yourself and come up with a plan. Start with one like this:
- Clarify objectives: Refer to your supervisor's expectations. What are your top priorities? What must you do? Reacquainting yourself with your goals will help you determine what is important and what isn’t.
- Prioritize: Once you know where you need to focus, prioritize your to-do list. To help organize your tasks, use tools such as the Eisenhower Matrix, Getting Things Done (GTD), or the MoSCoW method.
- Delegate: Delegate items that are not your top priority to suitable team members. Remember, you don’t have to do it all yourself.
- Reschedule: If it’s a non-urgent meeting, reschedule or send someone else and have them report back to you.
- Say no: Sometimes things can’t be delegated or rescheduled, and you just have to say no!
Rather than feeling guilty or overwhelmed, know that this is just part of the job. You may not be perfect, but you can still be a good manager. This will also help you stay in control.
And know that you’re in control
A key component of the second president’s approach is taking their time and considering everything before acting or reacting. However, many feel like they have to respond instantly, especially when put on the spot. This is another part of the pressure the EM role creates and worsens.
But it is okay to take a moment and think. In fact, rushing to make decisions can actually add to the pressure you’re feeling, as you’ll spend time afterward worrying if you made the right choice or not.
What helps is remembering you’re the manager now.
You’re not “the boss,” but your job comes with authority and agency. So, you are perfectly within your rights to take the time you need to make a good decision. And by giving yourself this time, you’ll be able to stay calm and help lower the levels of pressure you’re feeling.
A simple solution is saying something like, “I need to take a moment to reflect on this. It’s not best practice to make impulsive decisions.” Then, follow it up with a measurable, such as, “I’ll get back to you async by [the end of the day/another appropriate time].”
Some may still push you to act faster because they are probably reacting to the pressure they’re feeling. If you fold to their demands, you’ll take their problems on as well.
But if you stay consistent, eventually, they’ll come to appreciate your more thoughtful, confident, and measured approach, especially if you use a structured one.
To help, use the triple filter approach
This is a valuable philosophy because in stressful, pressure-filled situations, it helps you to:
- Stay in control
- Maintain clarity
- And respond in ways that do more good than harm
This maxim states that information should pass through three sieves before you communicate it, which are:
- Truthfulness
- Goodness
- And usefulness
A Socrates origin story
Though the origin is unclear, the story explaining this principle is commonly attributed to Socrates, and it goes as such.
A friend begins to tell Socrates a story, but Socrates stops him. He says the story must first pass through the three sieves before he will hear it.
The first sieve is truth, “Is what you say truthful?” The friend replies, “No, I only heard it from others.”
The second sieve concerns goodness, “Does what you say offer goodness?” The friend replies, “No, not exactly.”
Then, the final sieve examines usefulness, “Is your information of use?” Again, the friend replies, “Well, no.”
So, Socrates responds, “If what you have to tell me is neither truthful nor good nor useful, then let me not hear it.”
So, next time you’re faced with a complicated situation, ask yourself these questions before responding:
- Is what I’m going to say true?
- Is what I’m going to say good?
- Is what I’m going to say useful?
Really challenge yourself. Be your own devil’s advocate, questioning whether what you’re going to say truly is each of those three things (or at least one of them).
If you can’t come up with a yes you can defend with evidence and reasoning, then you’ll know you need to adjust it or say nothing at all.
You’ll never be perfect, but getting this right at least some of the time is better than never. And with more practice comes more success.
Practice effective self-care
No management strategy for pressure matters more than looking after your own well-being and work-life balance – I cannot emphasize this enough.
You may be an introvert who struggles with the pressure of endless meetings. Or you may succumb to the pressure of your to-do list increasing at an exponential rate. Whatever your situation, you cannot survive without taking the time to:
- Rest
- Relax
- And recharge
But this does not have to look like what everyone else does. What’s important is doing what works for you, whether that be:
- Meditation
- Working out
- Breathing exercises
- Yoga
- Taking breaks
- Watching TV
- Reading
- Or taking your dog for a walk
You can also do more than one of these, especially if you need to.
Do not let this slip. It is incredibly easy to fall into the bad habit of pushing yourself at work and then not increasing your self-care to match. It’s also incredibly easy to make excuses, such as they’re taking up too much time, you have other responsibilities, and so on.
This also goes back to pressure, and you can apply the triple filter approach here as well.
Is your decision about self-care good, truthful, and useful? Is it at least one of those things? If not, then make a different choice.
Otherwise, you’re just going to end up making the same mistakes many other managers make in the role.
The short version: the path to resilience takes work, thinking, and strategy
It’s very common for EMs, especially those new to the role, to struggle with the pressure of the job. If you find yourself in such a situation and feeling this way, know that you’re not alone. So, go easy on yourself.
Then, take steps to solve this problem. Some practical ones are the following:
- Know that pressure will build: This is especially true if you let it. You’ll be constantly bombarded with tasks and expectations from everyone.
- If you explode, it will cause damage: You’ll hurt your relationship with your team, your health, job performance, and more.
- Lead by example: What you do, others will see and also do. You must be the model for others to follow, or you’ll become the lesson they don’t.
- Don’t chase perfection: It’s impossible to be perfect in any role, especially engineering management. So, don’t try. Instead, aim to get the results you need. Take steps such as clarifying your objectives, prioritizing them, and delegating as needed.
- Know that you’re in control: You’re the manager, so act like one. You can take the time you need to effectively handle your responsibilities.
- Think before you speak: Always pass anything you say through the filters of goodness, truthfulness, and usefulness. If what you want to say is none of those things (or at least one of them), don’t say it or adjust.
- Take care of yourself: Do what you need to for self-care. It is easy to let this slip, but you must make it a priority.
And remember that all of this takes time. Especially if you’re a newer EM, you won’t get these strategies right at first. But even failure can be valuable if you’re willing to learn from it and adjust.
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Originally published on Medium.com
Content in this blog post by Alex Ponomarev is licensed under CC BY 4.0.
