Some people dream of a concrete house that floats peacefully on a lake.
And you’ll be tasked to build it.
While floating concrete might be impossible, the requests you’ll get as an engineering manager (EM) can sometimes feel just as far-fetched.
From stakeholders, clients, and even engineers, you’ll encounter demands that defy logic:
- Deadlines that ignore reality
- Features that clash with each other
- And requests that seem straight out of a fantasy novel
This isn’t because they’re unreasonable but because they see possibilities. And while their requests might not make sense at first, they usually come from genuine needs.
As an EM, your job is to balance these wild ambitions with reality.
Why unrealistic expectations are (almost) inevitable
Imagine one of your engineers comes to you, expressing the desire for more authority in decision-making. You tell them that’s okay, but they’ll have to attend more meetings to be more involved. Suddenly, your engineer doesn’t want to attend them because, well, they’re time-consuming!
Now picture your product manager pushes for an ambitious feature development, then later worries that things are moving too fast. Or a stakeholder wants a faster release cycle, then complains about the increase in bugs.
Scenarios like these are common and are not always due to a lack of understanding. Even highly technical people fall into this trap. The truth is people often want conflicting things, and they don’t always know how to communicate it clearly. It’s just human nature.
As an EM, part of your job is helping them navigate these contradictions and find a better way.
It’s like running a hospital ER. Patients come in with:
- Pain
- Fear
- And demands
But rarely can they articulate exactly what they need. Whether you’re a nurse, a doctor, or an EM, your role isn’t to dismiss them. It’s to diagnose the problem, understand the issues, and find the best solution – even if it’s not what they initially asked for.
What you can do to address impossible expectations:
While it may be impossible to avoid unrealistic expectations, you can control how you respond to them. Here are some steps to help you navigate “impossible” requests.
1 – Learn to ask the right questions
Before saying “no” to an idea, take a moment to dig a bit deeper. Ask yourself:
- What problem are they really trying to solve?
- Where did this idea come from?
- And is there an alternative that meets their needs?
By asking the right questions, you’ll uncover the underlying issues, allowing everyone to work toward a more feasible solution.
Explaining a problem out loud – like the classic rubber ducking debugging method – can often help people see the flaws in their thinking. Refining an idea is often easier when you hear it from a different perspective.
2 – Negotiate the constraints
If the request feels impossible, it doesn’t mean the goal is.
Remember, people don’t express their true needs directly. For example, someone might want that floating concrete house for safety reasons, fearing fires, and fixated on concrete because it feels solid and secure.
Instead of rejecting the idea outright, suggest a more practical option that addresses the root concerns like: “We can’t do X, but here’s a close alternative.” In this case, maybe a house made of concrete can’t float, but what if a steel structure with a concrete finish could achieve the same effect?
3 – Manage perception
Sometimes, people don’t necessarily want everything, they just want to feel included.
Take the engineer who wanted more authority in decision-making but despised meetings. Here’s a way, as an EM, you could manage that situation:
- Add them to meeting notifications
- Forwarding meeting transcripts
- And give them access to key discussions without forcing attendance
Even if they rarely read the notifications, they’ll likely feel satisfied just knowing they're in the loop.
This idea extends to higher-ups, too. Suppose your leadership asks for something that doesn’t align with the technical realities, don’t just shut it down. Instead, try:
- Framing the conversation around risk and trade-offs
- Outlining what’s actually possible
- And proposing a phased implementation
By managing perception thoughtfully, you can ensure that people feel heard and involved, even when the reality of the situation requires adjustment or compromise.
4. Understand that (some) pressure can be productive
Not all seemingly impossible expectations should be rejected outright. After all, history is full of cases where something once deemed unrealistic was ultimately achieved:
- The Apollo Space Program: sending people to the Moon was once pure science fiction
- The Large Hadron Collider (LHC): a huge challenge involving thousands of scientists and engineers
- Self-healing materials: materials that repair themselves after damage, now used in electronics and aerospace
Tackling the impossible, working with tight deadlines or unusual methods may break standard processes, but, sometimes, that’s exactly what’s needed to lead to breakthroughs.
Some feel uncomfortable with this kind of pressure because they fear it forces them to take shortcuts. But that’s not always the case. Sometimes, pressure helps you think differently and find innovative solutions.
When to push back, and when to push through
While breakthroughs happen because someone didn’t accept “impossible” as an answer, that doesn’t mean every request should be entertained.
So, how do you tell the difference? Start by asking yourself:
- Is the request really impossible, or just difficult? If a solution exists but requires more time or resources, try exploring alternative approaches.
- Is the request a real business need? If a stakeholder wants something flashy but doesn’t have a clear business case for it, refocus the conversation on delivering genuine value.
- Is there a different way to meet the goal? Sometimes, what seems impossible is just a result of limited thinking. See it as an opportunity to think “outside the box.”
The best EMs don’t just say “no” to unrealistic demands. They guide conversations toward what’s possible, ensuring progress without sacrificing stability, quality, or everyone’s sanity!
The short version: you have many tricks up your sleeve
As an EM, you’ll regularly face “impossible” expectations – from stakeholders, clients, and your own team. These demands can feel frustrating, but they usually stem from real needs. Your job isn’t to dismiss them – it’s to find solutions.
Here’s how to navigate the impossible:
- Ask the right questions: Often, what people ask for isn’t what they truly need. Try to find the real goal behind a request.
- Negotiate constraints: When something seems unrealistic, it’s time to “think outside the box.” Look for creative alternatives that still meet the goal.
- Manage perception: People don’t just want results – they want to feel included. Giving them visibility can go a long way.
- Reframe expectations in business terms: Frame discussions in terms of risk, trade-offs, and measurable outcomes to resonate with leadership.
- Use pressure strategically: Some tight deadlines or “utopian” requests lead to innovation and growth.
In the end, the magic of an EM isn’t about performing miracles – it’s about asking the right questions, managing expectations, and using pressure to drive progress.
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Originally published on Medium.com
Content in this blog post by Alex Ponomarev is licensed under CC BY 4.0.