Imagine you’re at a party, feeling confident, but then something feels off. People glance at you strangely or say things you don’t quite catch.
By the end of the evening, you catch a glimpse in the mirror and realize that you’ve been walking around with a massive stain on your shirt.
But no one has said a word.
Maybe they just don’t care or maybe are afraid of your reaction.
Now, think of your role as a manager. You might be making repeated mistakes and mishandling situations, but no one speaks up. People often avoid giving constructive feedback because they don’t:
- Want conflict
- Want to hurt your feelings
- Or challenge your authority
Much like the stain on your shirt, those unspoken issues aren’t helping anyone – least of all you.
As managers, sometimes we:
- Don’t ask for feedback often enough
- Focus only on receiving positive feedback
- Feel defensive about negative comments
- And may not always actively seek out areas for improvement
However, by asking for – and acting on – feedback, we can transform challenges into opportunities for growth. Making it a natural part of your process creates an environment where both you and your team can thrive.
But you’ll have to be vulnerable
If there’s one thing I can promise, it’s that feedback (even the positive kind) will make you feel vulnerable. When you receive a compliment, you might not know how to accept it. You might even deflect it without realizing it. And when the feedback isn’t so positive, those self-doubts can hit hard:
- “Do I know what I’m doing?”
- “Am I even the right person for this job?”
- “What should I say now?”
- “If I admit there’s truth in this, will I lose respect as their leader?”
If you gather the courage to actually ask for feedback, you might dread what’s waiting. Then, you ask yourself what the point of asking is in the first place.
Believe me, these exact thoughts have passed through my mind a thousand times. But here’s what I’ve learned: learning how to ask for and receive feedback is one of the best things you can do as a leader. It has myriad benefits, including improving you as a manager – and as a person.
It helps you improve faster
Think back to the last time you were really motivated to improve or learn something new. Was it when someone complimented you or when someone pointed out that you could do better?
If you’re anything like me, knowing something isn’t working is a huge motivator to step up your game. You can spend years doing the same thing the same way, but the moment someone gives you constructive feedback, you can turn things around in days.
Picture this: you’ve been hiring new people, but most quit after a few months because of a cultural mismatch. They want a more laid-back environment, but your team thrives on structure and strict workflows. But because you don’t talk about your company culture during hiring, you’re bringing in people who don’t align.
So you ask your HR rep for their opinion, and they suggest adding a cultural fit interview step. You take them up on their advice. And just like that, the turnover problem is solved! If you hadn’t asked for feedback, you’d have wasted time and resources hiring the wrong people.
It boosts your team’s morale
Let’s take this example: you think everyone should be able to schedule their tasks independently. However, the team is struggling because not everyone works that way. Some need more structure and guidance from you.
There’s nothing wrong with that – people have different working styles. But if you ignore their requests for help, they’re stuck. They can’t hold each other accountable because you’re the one who’s supposed to take charge. And when that happens, team morale takes a hit.
But it’s easily fixable. When you listen and act on their feedback – like stepping in and scheduling tasks – it shows your team you care about their concerns and you’re committed to solving issues before they get out of hand.
When you do this, it leads to:
- Fewer conflicts between team members
- Less dissatisfaction with work
- Reduced burnout
- And fewer people quitting because of your blind spots
Listening to your team’s feedback only improves your working environment.
It makes you more productive
You’re not a computer program with a preinstalled knowledge base. As a manager, you have to learn and adapt as you go. Encouraging feedback helps you understand and improve much faster.
Imagine trying to learn a new language without a teacher. Sure, apps can help, but how many people actually become fluent that way? Now, picture you travel to a country where that language is spoken. You try to communicate, but your pronunciation is off, and no one understands you. If you had a teacher to give you feedback, you’d have learned faster and avoided those mistakes.
The same goes for management. Let’s say you’ve been adding extra steps to the code-testing phase, but your team suggests a better, more efficient method. If you ignore it, you’re extending the testing phase and building technical debt. If you listen and take action, you can save hours and make the process run smoothly.
How to approach feedback
To get the most out of feedback, create an environment where everyone feels comfortable sharing. Here’s how to do that.
1 - Foster safe, open communication
You can tell when feedback is part of a team’s culture – and when it’s not.
The flow of feedback goes both ways. If you don’t give your team much feedback, they will likely feel uncomfortable giving it to you. You might only be getting feedback when it’s too late – when people are frustrated or even considering leaving.
When you create an environment where feedback is appreciated, everything shifts. Giving and receiving feedback becomes a normal part of the day, and you dispel the fear around the whole process. It’s not about waiting until there’s a problem, it’s about catching issues before they start.
It’s common for teams to hold back and only offer praise because they don’t want to rock the boat. But the sooner they tell you what’s wrong, the sooner you can fix it. Think of it like catching a loose thread before it makes a hole in your favorite sweater.
By the way, feedback isn’t just negative! You should absolutely celebrate wins and give compliments.
2 - Schedule regular feedback sessions
Once you’ve created a feedback-friendly environment, make it a habit. Group meetings can be a great opportunity for general discussions, but you don’t want to put individual people on the spot. And you also don’t want to wait until the last minute for feedback.
This is where regular one-on-one meetings come in. Use them as a place where you share your insights, they share theirs, and you discuss what can be done better. It makes feedback part of the job rather than a surprise.
Here’s what to focus on:
- Talk about the problem, not the person
- Discuss previous feedback and what actions were taken
- Ask for feedback about yourself, the company, and the team
- Give feedback, too – don’t leave them hanging!
- Set clear action items and schedule the next session
And above all, actively listen. Give them space to speak and express themselves. Ask questions, be open, and avoid getting defensive. This ensures you’re both focused on solving problems, not avoiding them.
3 - Write the feedback down and interpret it later
Here’s a secret: You don’t have to act on it right away!
In fact, often it’s better not to. Give yourself time to absorb this new information. After the meeting, write down what was said, don’t rely on memory alone.
Better yet, if you have online meetings, use an AI notetaker. You can revisit the transcript and get a better perspective on things you may have missed. You can even ask ChatGPT to analyze the meeting for you.
Try to notice if there’s a pattern. If multiple people share similar opinions, it’s a great indicator to address these problems first.
4 - Improve, improve, improve!
Once you’ve gathered feedback from your team, it’s time to organize. Start by listing it in order, from the most repeated points to individual remarks.
Let’s say multiple people told you it bothers them when you’re late to meetings because they can’t start without you. However, only one person mentioned that they don’t like the length of the monthly group meetings.
Prioritize fixing the issues that affect the most people first.
Being punctual and not overloading back-to-back meetings? Those are easy fixes that show you’re listening. If the issue with meeting length is a one-off, maybe that’s something you don’t need to worry about.
But improvement isn’t limited to negative feedback. When you get positive feedback, treat it the same.
If your team says: “I think your new time-tracking method works much better than the old one.” Take note. What’s working well? How can you improve even more? Feedback isn’t only about criticism. Notice what your team appreciates and celebrate the progress.
5 - Take feedback gracefully
No matter how tough the feedback is, it’s essential that you take it gracefully and professionally.
I know it stings to hear something isn’t working but remember, it’s part of the process. It’s easy to take feedback personally, especially when it’s something we care about. We tend to tie every tiny bit of criticism to our self-worth. But try not to take it as a personal attack, look at it as an opportunity.
Does mismanaging a conflict last week mean you’re a bad person? No. Does accumulating technical debt mean you shouldn’t be a manager? No. It means only what it says: there’s a problem. And luckily, now that you know about it, you can get on with fixing it.
Here’s how to avoid getting defensive or awkward:
- Give the person space without interrupting or negating them
- If something’s unclear, ask questions
- Ask how they think you could improve
- If you feel agitated or emotional, nod and take a moment to collect your thoughts
If you don’t feel like you can respond, it’s perfectly fine to say: “Let me think about that, and I’ll get back to you.” It’s better to respond to feedback when level-headed rather than emotionally unsettled.
6 - Create a feedback loop
Accepting feedback is only part of the process – even though it can be the hardest. The next step is acting on it. Show your team you listen and are committed to improving by following up on what was discussed and highlighting what’s changed.
In the next meeting:
- Remind everyone what was said during previous feedback sessions
- Share what you’ve changed and improved
- Acknowledge areas that still need work
- And be honest – if there’s something you can’t change, let them know
Creating a feedback loop isn’t about accepting feedback and walking away. It’s about showing your team you value their input and you’re evolving. It’s the best way to create trust and an environment where everyone feels heard.
Not all feedback leads to improvement
Just like in relationships, feedback needs to be constructive, not personal. This goes for you, but it also applies to your team. If the feedback feels uncalled for or too personal, there’s a chance it might not be entirely accurate.
Here are some red flags to be aware of:
- Personal attacks: The person focuses on your personality or tries to make you feel bad (for example: “You’re lazy” or “You do nothing”). It’s one thing to offer constructive criticism, but personal attacks aren’t helpful. If you’re up to date with all your deadlines and responsibilities, it’s unfair for others to make you feel otherwise.
- Isolate incidents: If only one person expressed this feedback, and you can’t find any proof that it’s right, it might be worth questioning. For example, if someone says the whole team can’t follow your instructions when everyone else does just fine, you might want to dig deeper before making changes.
- Blaming: If you feel like you’re being manipulated or blamed for someone else’s mistakes, take a step back. For example, if a team member keeps complaining about another engineer’s repeated mistakes then blames you or the team when asked about it, that’s a sign of potential manipulation. It’s important to address this kind of situation carefully and with transparent communication.
- Contradictions: If feedback doesn’t match the data you have, something’s not right. For example, if someone says you’re unorganized, but your reports and workflows show otherwise, perhaps take it with a pinch of salt.
Not all feedback is created equal. Evaluate carefully and make sure it aligns with your goals before making changes.
The short version: turn feedback into your biggest strength
Embracing feedback as a manager is key to continual improvement. Don’t try to figure everything out on your own when your team’s insights can help you grow.
Asking for feedback doesn’t:
- Make you weak
- Lower your authority as a boss
- Or make you look like you don’t know what you’re doing
Instead, it’s an opportunity to improve. To get the most out of feedback:
- Create a safe environment where people feel confident to share
- Make feedback part of your process
- Reflect, interpret, and take action
- Accept it gracefully
- And create a feedback loop for ongoing improvement
Feedback is a powerful tool. It’s through feedback that we improve, boost team morale, and, ultimately, become more successful leaders.
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Originally published on Medium.com
Content in this blog post by Alex Ponomarev is licensed under CC BY 4.0.
