Imagine you’ve just gotten hired as an engineering manager (EM). 

You look great on paper, and you’ve said all the right words during the interview, so the other managers are excited to work with you. 

But now, imagine you come in and start making waves right from the first weeks. You: 

  • Pretend to already understand what works and what doesn’t work in the company
  • Publicly call out engineers whenever they do something you think is wrong
  • Give orders to the team without understanding who’s best at doing what
  • Are inconsistent as to when you answer messages

With this kind of behavior, you’ve failed to build trust with your team. At the very least, you’ll face challenges getting them to do what you want. At the very most, they might even tell your superiors, resulting in disciplinary action!

Think about yourself like a ship captain: if you come on board and people don’t trust you, they might not say anything for a while. But if problems continue, they’ll lose faith and start a mutiny.

The key to a seaworthy ship is building trust with your team as soon as you start on the job. 

Why trust is essential in the workplace

I have a dog named Misha. He hurt his leg once and had to wear a large cone so he couldn’t lick his leg, which would prevent it from healing.

He didn’t like wearing the cone, but he trusted me enough to remain calm and help me put it on him. If he didn’t trust me, there was no way he would have stayed still. I’d have had to force him into it – and, of course, he would have resisted even if it was better for him in the long run.

But this is just a metaphor. Team members are not dogs. The point is that I had information Misha didn’t. 

And this will happen all the time with your team (if it hasn’t already). Sometimes, you, as the engineering manager (EM), see the bigger picture and have to ask your team members to do something even if they don’t understand why. 

It would be ideal if there was always enough time to communicate everything to everyone at all times, especially when your company scales. But there isn’t, and you have to do the best you can.

This is where your team’s trust in you becomes essential. When it’s there, they have faith in your vision and advice, even if they disagree or don’t understand everything. Maybe they’ll ask for more context or try to minimize unpleasant tasks, but, as a whole, they’re with you.

However, if they don’t trust you:

This makes everyone miserable.

Building trust

Building trust takes time, so start during your first week as an EM. While there’s no rulebook for doing it, below are a few principles that, when put into practice, show your team members they can rely on you. 

Many of these points may seem obvious, but you’d be surprised how many EMs don’t know what they are or how to do them. This means you have an opportunity to stand out as an EM who does.

1. Fulfill your job’s promise

People need to know they can rely on you professionally. This comes down to a few things:

  • Doing a good job
  • Doing it over time
  • Being consistent with quality

In other words, you’re fulfilling the unspoken promise you made when you took on this job. 

This doesn’t mean you can’t make mistakes or you have to feel bad when outside forces cause delays. But when this happens, tell people as soon as possible so they can take it into account and see that you care enough to communicate. 

2. Build a rhythm, not anxiety

Everyone has their own rhythm with communication, but you need to have one, and it needs to be predictable. 

Maybe you respond to messages in a day, an hour, or shortly after you get the message. In my opinion, it doesn’t matter so much when you reply (so long as it’s in a reasonably short time) as it does with your consistency when replying. In other words, your team members need to know when to expect your response. 

If you respond irregularly, you’ll make them anxious because they won’t be sure when they’ll get the information they need. At worst, they’ll feel like their messages just go out into the void. 

3. You will make mistakes, so own them

If you were promoted from an engineer to an EM, it means you’re responsible. You have standards – you may even be a perfectionist. 

But even perfectionists make mistakes, especially when they take on a new role. There will always come times when you’re overwhelmed and, as a consequence, miss deadlines or forget about things. 

When this happens, take responsibility right away for any mistakes you make. Tell affected team members immediately you’re sorry and how you will remedy the situation. 

Some managers think admitting mistakes means admitting weakness, but in reality, it builds trust with your team members. That’s because it shows them you’re honest and can take accountability even when it’s uncomfortable. What’s more, you model the behavior you expect from them.

4. Admit when you don’t know something

As a new manager, it’s normal to think you’re expected to know everything as soon as you start. Many feel the same way, and they’re afraid of looking like they don’t know something because they don’t want to seem bad at their job. They may pretend they know more than they do, or they may be afraid to ask clarifying questions.

But it’s normal not to know. It’s impossible to absorb all the knowledge you need in one day. In fact, pretending like you know everything when it’s clear you don’t is an easy way to lose respect and trust. 

Keep in mind you work with engineers. They know the technical details of their work, and they’ll know when you’re only pretending to. They may not say it right away (or at all), but they’ll know.

But even if they don’t catch on right away, they’ll resent you later when they realize you didn’t understand as much as you let on. From then on, they won’t know what to expect of you or your knowledge.

Instead, make it a habit to ask people questions like, “Hey, could you take me through this process?” or, “I don’t understand this part. Can you tell me more?” 

My experience is that rather than lowering your status in their eyes, people appreciate honesty and the opportunity to help you catch up.

5. Don’t dictate, align

Some new managers let power go to their heads. They think they can shape the team as they wish and get people to do whatever they want. 

We can call this a “dictator” style of management. They: 

  • Give orders
  • Demand loyalty and obedience
  • And prefer to punish team members who defy their orders

If you cross them one too many times, they may fire you on the spot for insubordination. 

In my opinion, it’s much easier to work with people whose desires at work are relatively aligned with yours. With this approach, you don’t command people. Instead, you explain: 

  • Why things have to be done
  • Why it helps serve their interests
  • How it builds towards a common result
  • And so on 

When you work from a place of alignment instead of compulsion, your team members understand you want to work with them and not just use them. They realize you have their interests in mind, and this builds their trust in you.

6. Show your team’s interests are important to you

It isn’t just enough for you to have the team’s interests in mind – you have to show them. Just like with my dog Misha, it’s not enough that I know I’m doing right by him when putting the cone on his neck – he has to know I’m doing it for his good, too. 

This is even more important because there won’t always be time in a crisis to show people you have their interests at heart, so make it clear when there isn’t one. 

Do things like:

  • Use one-on-ones to explain certain decisions
  • Listen to their concerns
  • And incorporate your team members’ needs into your planning 

Importantly, ask your team members how they are affected by certain decisions and listen to their stories and grievances.

7. Be diplomatic when conflicts happen

Imagine a situation where a project manager (PM) butts heads with an engineer over deadlines. The PM wants the schedule to fit with predetermined milestones, but the engineer says the workload is too high for the timeline. This is a common conflict.

If you’re called in as the EM, you may find the engineer is mistaken, and the work should fit into the PM’s schedule. You have a choice here: 

  • Call the engineer out in front of the PM and other colleagues
  • Or be diplomatic and propose solutions that don’t make the engineer look bad

Diplomacy is also necessary when you realize someone might not be fully honest or when they double down on their argument even though they probably know they’re wrong. It’s easy to call people out for their mistakes or bad choices, but it’s sometimes better to give them space or suggest options that don’t embarrass them by throwing them in their faces. 

For this, I think about my relationship with my girlfriend. When I know she’s wrong, I don’t shove it in her face. That only makes her feel cornered and defensive. Instead, I steer the conversation in another direction to de-escalate tension before returning to hard topics. While you will often have to be upfront, even in the face of conflict, some things just aren’t worth fighting over.

Same with my team. I’d much rather find a productive way forward than punish people for being human. When they see this often enough, they’ll trust you for having their back. 

8. Don’t deplete your “trust credit”

Looking at the previous seven points, you might think I’m telling you to be a perfect manager so you can build that trust. But no one can be a perfect manager. 

However, if you work to build trust with your team, you’ll have a kind of “trust credit” when you make a mistake. Think of this like a pool of trust you’ve accumulated over time. 

If your trust credit is high, then it’s not a big deal if you screw up every so often. If you screw up too many times without filling up your trust credit with responsible behavior, though, your trust credit will run out.

You might get some trust credit carried over if you’ve been promoted to EM from inside the company, but you’ll nevertheless have to build it up over your first weeks and months in the role. So make sure you build your trust credit early and rebuild it when you make mistakes. 

The short version: trust facilitates work

Without your team’s trust, you’ll fail as an engineering manager. You need to build a relationship with them, for them to do what you ask, and to continue trusting you after you inevitably make a mistake.

While this may seem daunting, especially considering the different personalities on your team, you have genuine ways to build this trust.

They include:

  • Fulfilling your job’s promise: be reliable with your work
  • Building a rhythm, not anxiety: communicate regularly so people know when to expect it
  • Owning your mistakes: be honest when this happens and take accountability
  • Admitting when you don’t know something: ask questions and show your team you’re willing to learn
  • Aligning instead of dictating: explain your reasoning or the purpose behind a task when you can – don’t just order people around
  • Showing your team’s interests are important to you: listen to their concerns and suggestions
  • Being diplomatic when conflicts occur: find ways to avoid, prevent, or manage conflict so no permanent damage occurs
  • Not depleting your “trust credit”: keep building up your team’s trust in you because you’ll inevitably have to use it when you make mistakes

While no plan for building trust is perfect, it’s better to have something than none at all. And you don’t need to take all of these steps at once. Incorporate a few, then add more over time.

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Originally published on Medium.com

Content in this blog post by Alex Ponomarev is licensed under CC BY 4.0.