Did you watch the 2024 Paris Olympics?
Maybe not, but chances are you’ve seen something about Yusef Dikeç’s astonishing performance. The Turkish shooter’s casual way of competing on the world stage went viral for his approach, which was:
- Cool
- Calm
- And collected
There he was, standing with one hand in his pocket, relaxed, with no safety glasses, no specialized hand grips, no hearing protection, just nonchalantly shooting his way to a silver medal.
I’m no Olympian, but I’m pretty sure competing at the Games is a stressful and high-pressure situation. I think having Dikeç’s level of calm is probably something we can all appreciate, maybe even aspire to.
Engineering management will never be in the Olympics, and I wouldn’t win a silver medal for my results, but I’ve learned a few things over the years that I’d like to think would put me at least somewhere close to Dikeç in terms of exhibiting the three C’s.
Here’s what those are.
1 - Accept & understand
Engineering management and shark cage diving share at least one thing in common – stress is just a natural part of each.
So, what use is there in fighting against the stress? Doing so adds only even more!
Instead, accept the fact it will be there (because it’s going to be whether you do or not). Then, you can use it as an indicator for whether or not you need to take action.
This also requires understanding, such as where the stress is specifically coming from. For most engineering managers (EMs), it comes from being overwhelmed:
- Feeling like there’s too much information
- Having too much to do (often more than is humanly possible!)
- Constant context switching
- Not knowing why something isn’t working properly
- Or knowing why but not knowing how to solve it
You feel like you’re constantly reacting to everything with a never-ending cycle of problems, situations, reminders, chat messages, emails, notifications, and so on.
For many of us, anxiety also plays a familiar role.
Whether it’s not knowing what to say (especially if you’re an introvert like me), the fear of making the wrong decision, or the dread of delivering bad news, all are stress triggers.
Also, a lot of stress comes from feeling inadequate for the job as imposter syndrome creeps in. But this is also natural – many people feel this way, especially when starting out in the role.
2 - Pause
Part of handling conflict is stopping and getting out of the situation – handling stress is no different.
When you are feeling overwhelmed or anxious, stop and pause for a moment. This doesn’t have to look the same for you as it does for others, though. For example, the pause might be:
- Closing your laptop
- Going for a walk
- Having a glass of water or a hot drink
- Having a non-work-related conversation with someone else
- Breathing exercises
- Reading a book or blog post
Whatever it is, you need to focus on something relaxing for a little while.
Staying in whatever situation is causing you stress is like locking yourself in a hot oven. The only way to get cool is to step out of it. Once you are, you can assess and solve with greater clarity and calm than before.
3 - Focus & prioritize
All stress has a root cause – once you figure out the culprit, you can start mitigating it.
For me, one such cause is my to-do list. The stress starts when I see the insane amount of things I want to do and realize there are about 40+ items for today alone. Of course, I can’t do all of them, which makes the stress and anxiety even worse.
So, I pause, and after my moment away to recalibrate, I return with renewed clarity. With it, I’m able to say, “Okay, that’s not going to happen today. But here’s what is…”
I remind myself it’s okay if I don’t get to everything that day. Instead, I prioritize the three most important items and give myself permission to leave the rest. In fact, I’m not even going to look at them because I know they’re causing me stress.
The short version of these steps is this:
- Figure out what’s causing you stress
- Be realistic about what you can do about it
- And create and follow through on a plan addressing it
Even then, you may not complete all your tasks at 100%. You might, for example, only get them 50% done.
But at least you’re moving the needle in the right direction. Take progress over perfection, and at least you’ll keep it that way.
4 - Communicate
Say you’ve worked out your plan, leaving your priorities showing you can’t attend a meeting. Instead of stressing, solve the problem. Don’t disappear – just let them know you won’t be attending and why.
In short:
- Contact them
- Apologize for not being able to attend
- And say “Let’s figure out how to deal with this.”
This may require rearranging the meeting, rescheduling it, conducting it async, or delegating to others. Most people will understand. Remember, you aren’t the first (and won’t be the last) person to miss or push a meeting.
The understanding disappears if you turn this into a continual pattern, but it’s highly unlikely you’ll lose your job for admitting you’re overwhelmed or have to focus elsewhere every once in a while.
I know this can feel uncomfortable but the best way is to be upfront. People will respect your honesty and transparency.
5 - Don’t self-shame
Whether it’s not finishing a task, missing a deadline, or taking a Friday off – there is a tendency to feel guilty or beat yourself up about not doing enough.
This is a very easy trap to fall into – we all do. But this way of thinking doesn’t help our stress levels. Quite the opposite, in fact.
When I was younger, I always thought in fixed systems. For example, if I was working out, then I had to do it every day. If I was switching off for the weekend, then I had to do it every weekend. I imposed these rigid sets of rules on myself and was upset when I failed to meet them.
Now, with more experience under my belt, I’m not so strict because I know it doesn’t help. Trying to live up to those self-imposed standards just adds more stress to my life.
These days, I’ll put an asterisk by a couple of tasks I’d like to complete over the weekend. If I get to them, great! If I don’t, I’m not going to beat myself up and ruin my weekend over them.
As another example, say you want to switch off for the day. So, you finish by 6 pm (18:00) and turn off your laptop and phone notifications.
But what if you get a message as you’re walking home? Yes, it’s past 6 pm, and best practice would be not answering. But what’s the harm if you have the time to reply?
Concern is warranted as some people need to stick to rigid rules like this in order not to ever break them, but not everyone has to. And maybe you’re one of them! So, give yourself the chance to test out different situations and whether those result in negative patterns.
If they do, make the rule a rigid one.
In other words, setting boundaries is obviously important, but don’t force your rules to be so all or nothing unless you have to. Otherwise, you’ll just cause even more stress for yourself.
A note from personal experience
Even if you take one of the above steps, you’ll be doing yourself a favor. If you haven’t experienced problems from stress already (and I hope you haven’t), you will if you don’t start addressing it sooner than later. This could be:
- Poor job performance
- Hindered relationships (professional and personal)
- Health implications
- And burnout
I know because this happened to me.
I worked under chronic stress for years, thinking I was above it and could handle it. I was proud of pushing myself to the limit, and I didn’t take it seriously. My body had other ideas, leading to serious health problems for me. I was sick for years and even ended up hospitalized.
Thankfully, I survived, and it became the wake-up call I needed to change my approach. I’m not going to say I live a stress-free life – far from it – but I have learned to manage how stress affects me. Crucially, I now recognize the signs and know what steps help me mitigate it.
Unfortunately, I don’t have a magic formula to suddenly make all your stress vanish. As I said, unfortunately, it’s an unavoidable part of the job. So, while these strategies have worked for me, they may not for you.
But even if that’s true, there are strategies that will work for you.
Perhaps you need to lie on a beach in Bali or have a distinct separation between work and personal life. You may not succeed at first and you may have to experiment a bit. But whatever it looks like for you, it’s crucial that you try something.
The short version: channel your inner Olympian
Much like elite athletes, EMs have to perform under pressure and stress. They’re going to be there whether you do something about them or not, so acknowledge them as your reality and then start taking action.
Here’s what works for me:
- Accept & understand it: trying to avoid stress altogether sets unrealistic expectations, but you can learn what’s causing it
- Pause: giving yourself a moment away helps you find the brain space for clear thinking
- Focus & prioritize: working out the root of your stress will help you determine what you can do each day for your work responsibilities, which you should base on level of priority
- Communicate: let others know when you need to make changes to your schedule or miss a meeting, for example
- Don’t self-shame: feeling guilty or setting unreasonable rules actually causes you more stress, so be flexible
And experiment with different strategies. Not everything that works for me will work for you. Keep trying, and you’ll eventually find a system that helps you permanently minimize the stress you’re feeling as an EM.
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Originally published on Medium.com
Content in this blog post by Alex Ponomarev is licensed under CC BY 4.0.
