Plug “work-life balance” into any search engine, and you’ll get back lots of clichés about what to do and stereotypical ways of effectively managing it.
See if any of these sound familiar:
- Manage your time
- Ask for help
- Respect working hours
- Unplug
- Delegate to others
- Schedule personal time
- Just say no
Some of these strategies are actually very useful, but they’re too vague and need further explanation. There’s also the ideal world and there’s reality, and you won’t be putting those or other strategies to use in the first one.
So, I’m not going to give you advice for an ideal world – I’m going to give it to you for a real one. Because what’s real is how important your work-life balance is and making sure it’s a good fit for you.
1 - Focus only on your part of the pyramid
Have you seen those gymnasts or circus performers make a human pyramid? If you haven’t, know that together they form a pyramid by supporting each other in various ways. By the time they’ve finished, the pyramid can have a lot of people!
While it’s amazing they do this, the important element is that each person is a part of the whole, paying attention to their balance and necessary support for others. If they think about the efforts and responsibilities of the people above or beside them, they lose focus, and the whole pyramid comes crashing down.
Being an EM is very much like this.
If you spend all your time focusing on everything around you, you lose sight of your own balance and the whole system fails.
I’m not saying to be selfish, but be self-aware. Managing your own balance and energy makes you a better EM because doing so keeps you strong enough to support the pyramid.
This is also an approach you should foster in your teams. Make sure everyone is conscious of their own balance – you will have a stronger structure as a result.
2 - Manage your energy levels, not hours
Setting strict working hours for yourself would be great except for one problem: life (and especially engineering management) is unpredictable.
As an example, you might work from 9:00 to 18:00 (9 AM to 6 PM) Monday through Friday. That would probably be okay until something happens that requires more of your attention or takes longer to do than normal.
Suddenly, the day’s over, or you’ve reached the weekend, and you still have work to do. Now, you’re stressed about being behind or having to break your work schedule.
In the end, your self-enforced structure actually causes you more stress than takes away from it. So, if your company allows flexibility, I suggest taking that option.
Sometimes, I work more hours per week because I have a lot going on or I’m excited about a project or task – other times, I work the minimum. It’s not about the number of hours but about how I feel. Balance is the key.
In other words, align how much you work with your workload, priorities, and energy levels, not an oppressive and inflexible schedule.
3 - Prioritize based on importance (and energy again)
Cliché or not, prioritizing is crucial. Doing so is not about the:
- Number of hours
- Amount of problems
- Or items on your to-do list
Prioritizing is about what deserves your focus and what doesn’t.
Remember, everyone will think their problem is the most important, so your job is deciding which ones really are.
It would be great if you could tackle all of them, but you can’t do everything. You need to know this and stay disciplined in only choosing the tasks deserving of your focus. If one doesn’t, delegate the work or accept it won’t get done.
And you still need to keep your energy levels in mind here, too. Specifically, you should align your tasks with those levels.
I’ll give you an example.
I can talk all day because I don’t feel like I am working when I am talking. So, tasks like meetings require a low amount of energy. But tasks like analyzing, researching, and doing software engineering require more.
Since I have the most energy in the morning, I schedule my more intensive tasks then. When I start to run out, I switch to the less intensive ones.
4 - Rely on others when needed
It’s natural to want to prove yourself when transitioning to a new role. And it’s natural to think you have to do everything yourself, especially when you’re a manager.
But you have a team, supervisors, and fellow managers you can rely on, so use them.
Maybe you have questions about your team and the work, what’s going well, and what isn’t. In that case, ask them. Letting them be a part of the process also builds your relationships with them faster.
Maybe you are struggling with priorities – in that case, talk to your direct supervisor. Ask them what’s important, what’s not, and what you should focus on. Remember, it’s not in their interest for you to fail because then they will, too.
Maybe you are stuck on a problem. Likely, you have peer managers or other teams around you, so talk to them. Perhaps they have been through something similar and can help.
In short, relying on others and asking for help is not a bad thing. Doing so lets you achieve far more than you ever could on your own.
5 - Say no and yes
In reality, saying no is not that simple. If it was, you could just say no as an EM and walk away. Unfortunately, you can’t.
Imagine, for example, someone asked if you could attend a meeting and all you said was, “No.” Depending on who that person was, they may view your response as rude or uncaring, even unprofessional.
But what if you responded by saying, “No, but I’m going to send someone from my team”? In that case, you’re still saying no but you’re also providing an alternative. In other words, you’re also saying yes.
As another example, maybe someone asks if you can do a code review. Instead of just saying, “No,” you could say, “No, but I’m going to pair these two ICs, and they will review each other.” Again, you’re still saying no, but you’re also offering a solution.
Even if it’s not possible for you to also provide a yes, you can still provide an explanation why you’re saying no or mention you’ll tell them later when you have more time.
The short version: get real to get healthy
Being an engineering manager will affect your work-life balance if you let it.
Engineering management a difficult, demanding job with lots of responsibilities and people pulling you in all kinds of directions. So, you’ll be tempted to take everything on yourself and not prioritize what’s most important. Work gets done, but your life suffers as a result.
Unfortunately, too much advice about improving your work-life balance fails to be specific or clear enough to be of any help. What does help is real advice for the real problems you’re facing.
With that in mind, here are some things you can do:
- Focus on yourself: everyone has their part to play – keep your mind on yours so you can do it well
- Manage your energy, not your hours: having strict working hours often adds to stress levels, so be more flexible with your time and base your work on how you feel
- Prioritize importance (and energy again): aligning your tasks with your energy levels allows you to work more effectively
- Rely on others when you need it: learn how to leverage your team, peer managers, and direct supervisor to achieve more
- Say no and yes: saying no in the right way, such as with an explanation or offering an alternative, keeps you on track with your priorities, maintains relationships with others, and helps them with theirs
Keep in mind what you do as an engineering manager and the strategies above are a marathon, not a sprint (also a cliché but useful here). In other words, don’t try to do too many at once – otherwise, you’ll overload yourself the same as you would taking on too much work. As you go, you can add more in when needed. And eventually, you’ll have the kind of work-life balance you want.
Want more tips on leading effective software engineering teams?
Join my newsletter if you’ve found this content useful
Originally published on Medium.com