So, you just started as an engineering manager (EM).
You’ve done a lot to get here. You have many years as a successful engineer behind you. You probably served as a senior engineer or team lead for a time.
But management is a different role altogether. As an engineer, you worked directly with code to create features and complete tasks. As a manager, however, coding is not your main responsibility anymore. Now, you work through your team to build high-quality tech products and systems.
Central to this work are the relationships you have with your team. The better you understand your team members, the better you’re able to successfully guide them as they do their work. So, you need to get to know them as soon as possible in order to build a foundation for success.
First, know that in management, you’re new even if you’re not
How did you become an EM (or how will you)? Did you come from outside the company, or were you already there and promoted from within?
If it was the latter, it’s tempting to believe you don’t have to do as much work to get to know the people and projects you’re working with. After all, you’ve been there for years, right?
Unfortunately, this is simply not true. You still have to “re-meet” everyone because you’re in a different role now, one that requires you to look at the work from your new point of view.
To think of this another way, imagine living in a multi-story apartment building and moving from the 1st floor to the 40th. You’re in the same building, but you have an entirely different experience. So, it makes sense to “re-meet” your building, just as it makes sense to “re-meet” your team.
What to do if you’re new
If you’re new to the company, make time to meet everyone you’re going to be working with. Hopefully, you’ll be working with them for a long time, so let them know more about you, like what you did before coming here as an EM.
Also, tell them about how you work, such as:
- Your communication style
- Your approach to meetings
- How best to get in touch
- Protocols for async communication
- And anything else that will make relating to you more simple and understandable
The last point is important. Even though you’re telling your team more about how you work, don’t phrase it like a princess making demands of her subjects. Frame your work style in a way that allows them to understand better how to interact with you in ways that are ultimately more effective for them.
If you’re comfortable, share something personal or non-work-related about yourself. This is how you start building relationships and trust.
What to do if you’re not
If you’ve transitioned from inside the company, you’ll likely already know a lot of people on your team. They may even know how you communicate, your work ethic, how best to work with you, and so on.
But your priorities and work style change as you enter a new role. So, let them know how precisely your responsibilities have changed. Being intentional about this shift signals you’re not just a peer anymore but a manager.
Second, “interview” your team members
Make sure you’re not only talking about yourself in those early weeks – get to know your team as well. In my experience this is easy, because there’s usually nothing people like more than to talk about themselves.
Think about this phase like a job interview, one where the people are already on the team. You can’t choose them (or let them go), but you can learn as much about them as possible. Keep in mind people might not be forthcoming if they don’t trust you at first, though.
If they’re not, don’t push, and don’t cross personal boundaries. It’s okay if people aren’t comfortable sharing everything right away. Learning this about them is still information you can use to build a better relationship over time.
Additionally, this is an opportunity not only to find out what they can do or what they like doing but also what they’re like. This includes if you have anything in common, for example, or if they prefer football to video games.
Just be aware there are a number of things that aren’t wise to talk about at first, if ever. Like politics, religion, or even vaccines. It can be tempting to broach these topics because it will be an easy way to bond if they hold similar views to yours. But if they don’t, your professional relationship can become volatile.
Learn how they feel about their work
It’s just as important to learn how your team members see the projects they work on. Other managers will be able to give you a big-picture view of the projects, but your team members will show you what it’s like on the ground level.
So, ask questions like:
- What’s it like to be on this project compared to others?
- What tasks do you have?
- What tasks do you enjoy?
- Why were you assigned to this project?
- What do you hate about it?
- And others
As an EM, of course, you want everyone to be happy at work. But even if you’ll never fully achieve a happy valley of rainbows and unicorns on the job, you should aim to maximize satisfaction. And the only way to inch closer is learning what makes people miserable and minimizing those things.
Third, start one-on-ones as soon as possible
You’ve interviewed your team members and set the stage for your relationship with them – now it’s time to build on that foundation with one-on-ones.
One-on-ones with your team members are one of the most important things you need to do as an EM. They’re so important that you should aim to have them once a week.
Doing them allows you to:
- Better get to know what people are working on
- Learn the issues they have
- Get to know their personality
- Build trust
- And more
The problem, though, is that lots of engineering managers hate having one-on-one meetings. I often hate doing them myself.
But it’s not because they’re unenjoyable or lacking in value – they aren’t. It’s because you’re going to have to drop whatever it was you were doing, focus on another individual and, frankly, pretend like you care about everything that they’re saying.
It’s not like you don’t care at all, but if you don’t pay attention like you’ve been waiting for this call all week, it can make the person feel like you don’t when you do, just not usually to that degree.
In a way, doing one-on-ones is like exercising. Nobody loves working out or running right when they first start. And if your muscles aren’t used to it, you’ll hate it a bit at first. But over time, you’ll see results, and it gets easier to put on your running shoes or grab your gym bag.
The funny thing is, even though it takes a lot of mental energy to get into the zone, I usually feel better after the call.
Fourth, be their doctor, not their friend
A big part of these ongoing relationships is finding a balance between being friendly and remaining professional. Part of this involves helping your team members with their work issues while also getting the information you need from them.
Think of yourself like the village doctor. Most doctors aren’t friends with their patients, but they know many things about them that their friends don’t. They work together to maintain the patient’s health, but they are only effective when the patient is honest about their symptoms and issues.
When you have one-on-ones with your team members, you are trying to use this time:
- To identify what’s not going well
- To understand their pain
- And to suggest remedies
Good rapport, even a friendly relationship, may develop over time. Many of us end up spending more time with our coworkers than with our family or friends, so this is only natural. But at all times, you have to remind yourself that, as the manager, you can be friendly, but you’re not a peer with your team members.
This is a boundary you need to keep in mind. Your boundary may look different from mine (other than my girlfriend, most of the people I hang out with are from work), but you need to find out what works for you.
The short version: nothing’s more important than your team
As the EM, you’ll be working with your team a lot. So, you’ll need to take advantage of your first week(s) to get to know your team enough to work well together. As with any group, good relationships make everything else run smoother.
Here’s what you want to do:
- Reintroduce yourself as the EM even if you’ve got history at the company: explain things such as how you communicate and how your team members can get in touch with you
- Learn more about your team members: get to know how they feel about work, who they are, what they like, don’t like, and so on
- Start a regular rhythm of one-on-one meetings as soon as possible: this gives you even more opportunities to get to know your team and them more opportunities to share essential information with you
- Balance the personal and professional dimensions of your work relationships: you have to learn what boundaries work best for you, but you must have a professional vs personal boundary, your team must know what that is, and you must stick to it
Although nothing is a guarantee, taking these steps gives you a headstart and a clear path to building relationships with your team and accomplishing your goals as an EM. Remember that you don’t have to do everything at once, either. Use these steps as a foundation, develop a plan from them that works for you, and go from there.
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Originally published on Medium.com
Content in this blog post by Alex Ponomarev is licensed under CC BY 4.0.